Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Just something to rant about.
There is a Norwegian band coming to the U.S. that I want to see. They are called Leaves' Eyes. Unfortunately the closest venue is in Worcester, MA at the Palladium, and I cannot find tickets!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Just to make things clear...
I may hate the job I have right now, and am looking for ways out of the job, but I have kids. I would NEVER jeopardize the well being of my family by purposely losing a job, even one that I absolutely HATE. Granted I can file for Unemployment and get paid that way, but I'm not a lazy ass. I would MUCH rather go out and find a job. Like I said before, I love my family. As far as I can tell, the other job fell through. I have begun the search for another one already. I have not yet spoken to the DM, and my co-workers, except my 3 managers, have told me to lighten up and that I don't know for sure that I have lost my job. Sure sure, yeah yeah, they can't guarantee that I will keep my job either. The 3 managers claim that I haven't been doing anything to try to keep my job. Yeah ok, sure. I showed up after my vacation didn't I? I did my job to the best of my ability didn't I? The store manager asked me if I viewed R.A.C. as a career. I used to, not so much anymore after all the harassment I've received.
I took a shower with my son, Zane, today, and after a little while of washing up and playing, I told him it was time to get out of the shower. He gave a little fight, so I told him that it was because Daddy has to go to work in the morning. He said, "No, I don't want daddy to go to work. I want Daddy to stay home with me." Now what was I supposed to say? Trying to make him feel better, I told him Daddy won't be going to work soon, so he can spend time with Daddy. I know that sounds bad, but that was the first thing I thought of to say to him because I didn't want him to cry. He had jumped up at that point, gave me a hug and kiss, then said, "But Daddy has to go to work, so I can have toys and cars." Know how that made me felt? I felt like crying because it made me feel, because there is a very good possibility that I will lose this job, like I failed my son. I do not want to feel like that, and I don't want my son to have the thought that I didn't do everything in my power to keep my job so that I can provide for him.
I may hate this job, but now I wonder, do I take it like a man and attempt to keep it? Even with all of the harassment and other bullshit I get from all directions there? Don't get me wrong, I like the job and company. Its the people I work with that I cannot stand and I have been denied transfers 5 times. My boss had said in the past that if I see a better opportunity, take it. But when I try to, I get shot down. He claims that he is lenient and has changed for the better of all of us. I haven't seen this change towards me. Know what I saw? Him treating EVERYONE else, better. then its like he "looks down at me", and his attitude changes. Same goes with the Lead Assistant. Every time I turn around, he's looking for me because apparently I did something wrong. He has actually patronized me, my boss has done this too but not to this degree, in front of other R.A.C. employees and customers, telling me that I should be doing something he told me to do, not what the store manager told me to do. After the store manager had told me to do something before the Lead Assistant had. Let me think, do something the store manager told me to do, and deal with the wrath of the Lead Assistant, who has had 14 years in the company by the way, or do something that the Lead Assistant has told me to do and incur the wrath of the store manager who could reprimand me with write ups and what not?
There are a total of 6 people in the store I work at. And its all guys. It seems like I am the only one who deals with frustration differently. It also seems like I am the only one who doesn't think it's funny when they start cracking jokes on people, especially me. Trust me, I try to laugh it off, but it really isn't funny. I have actually gone off on people when they don't stop. 2 of my co-workers have actually told the management to lay off me a little because they know that I have certain issues that are hard for me to get a grip on (ie. anger, depression) and leave at the door. I know I am supposed to, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. Beyond that, they don't listen to them. You know, I actually confronted my store manager about the fact that they would piss me off on purpose because I would get stuff done quicker. I told him its not going to work anymore, his response? "It has in the past, we'll see..."
They also tell me that the reason they push me so hard is because I have been there almost 2 years. Ok, fine and dandy. Wanna know how long it took for them to give me a store key after proving myself over and over? 1 and a half years. I actually asked for more responsibility so I can show them I can handle it, they didn't. As stress builds up, physical and mental strength diminish. It sucks. I know my wife stresses more than I because of her lack of sleep, being with the boys 24/7/365 with them waking her up in the wee hours of the morning. I love her because I know she is dealing with a lot more than I am. I feel that if the 2 lazy ones actually got off their asses, she knows who I am talking about I am sure. And did something to help out, life may be just a little bit easier.
I took a shower with my son, Zane, today, and after a little while of washing up and playing, I told him it was time to get out of the shower. He gave a little fight, so I told him that it was because Daddy has to go to work in the morning. He said, "No, I don't want daddy to go to work. I want Daddy to stay home with me." Now what was I supposed to say? Trying to make him feel better, I told him Daddy won't be going to work soon, so he can spend time with Daddy. I know that sounds bad, but that was the first thing I thought of to say to him because I didn't want him to cry. He had jumped up at that point, gave me a hug and kiss, then said, "But Daddy has to go to work, so I can have toys and cars." Know how that made me felt? I felt like crying because it made me feel, because there is a very good possibility that I will lose this job, like I failed my son. I do not want to feel like that, and I don't want my son to have the thought that I didn't do everything in my power to keep my job so that I can provide for him.
I may hate this job, but now I wonder, do I take it like a man and attempt to keep it? Even with all of the harassment and other bullshit I get from all directions there? Don't get me wrong, I like the job and company. Its the people I work with that I cannot stand and I have been denied transfers 5 times. My boss had said in the past that if I see a better opportunity, take it. But when I try to, I get shot down. He claims that he is lenient and has changed for the better of all of us. I haven't seen this change towards me. Know what I saw? Him treating EVERYONE else, better. then its like he "looks down at me", and his attitude changes. Same goes with the Lead Assistant. Every time I turn around, he's looking for me because apparently I did something wrong. He has actually patronized me, my boss has done this too but not to this degree, in front of other R.A.C. employees and customers, telling me that I should be doing something he told me to do, not what the store manager told me to do. After the store manager had told me to do something before the Lead Assistant had. Let me think, do something the store manager told me to do, and deal with the wrath of the Lead Assistant, who has had 14 years in the company by the way, or do something that the Lead Assistant has told me to do and incur the wrath of the store manager who could reprimand me with write ups and what not?
There are a total of 6 people in the store I work at. And its all guys. It seems like I am the only one who deals with frustration differently. It also seems like I am the only one who doesn't think it's funny when they start cracking jokes on people, especially me. Trust me, I try to laugh it off, but it really isn't funny. I have actually gone off on people when they don't stop. 2 of my co-workers have actually told the management to lay off me a little because they know that I have certain issues that are hard for me to get a grip on (ie. anger, depression) and leave at the door. I know I am supposed to, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. Beyond that, they don't listen to them. You know, I actually confronted my store manager about the fact that they would piss me off on purpose because I would get stuff done quicker. I told him its not going to work anymore, his response? "It has in the past, we'll see..."
They also tell me that the reason they push me so hard is because I have been there almost 2 years. Ok, fine and dandy. Wanna know how long it took for them to give me a store key after proving myself over and over? 1 and a half years. I actually asked for more responsibility so I can show them I can handle it, they didn't. As stress builds up, physical and mental strength diminish. It sucks. I know my wife stresses more than I because of her lack of sleep, being with the boys 24/7/365 with them waking her up in the wee hours of the morning. I love her because I know she is dealing with a lot more than I am. I feel that if the 2 lazy ones actually got off their asses, she knows who I am talking about I am sure. And did something to help out, life may be just a little bit easier.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Yawn...
They are constantly saying that they try to help me... Tell me, if they were truly "trying to help" me, would I be worried about where I am going to find a job and worried about whether or not my FAMILY will have a roof over their head and food in their stomachs? You know what else aggravates the FUCK out of me? This fucking idiot of a boss of mine, decided that he wanted to tell me that I stutter, now people that are close to me say that I don't stutter, but then after a while of actually paying attention, they said that I do.
Ok, woop-de-fucking-doo right? WRONG. This fucking idiot tells me that "I need to get my stuttering problem" fixed or I will never go far in this job... My reaction? I was calm, collected, very pissed on the inside mind you, and said, "Ok, I will see what I can do." A co-worker actually reacted for me stating, "How can someone 'fix' a problem like stuttering? It's a mental disorder like Autism is. Would you tell a child with Autism to get it fixed?" His reply was, "I would. I would tell them that if they wanted to do something with their life, they would get it fixed." FUCK YOU BUDDY.
He has actually told me I need to 'fix' my stuttering a few times, the last time, I shut the office door and WENT OFF. He denied saying any of the things he said, and told me what he meant was that stuttering can be controlled and that I only stutter when I am nervous about something. Now, let me tell you that I have been doing this job over a year AFTER he began telling me this. Come on now, really? If this were true, wouldn't you have told me about it at the first instant you noticed? Within 3 months of me starting? that is usually when new employees are the most nervous about different aspects of the job. ANY JOB.
Go ahead, BRING THE DM ON. I will be there when he shows up to "finalize" my termination, if that is what is going to happen. And I will bring up just about EVERYTHING he has ever done, fraternizing with subordinates, what I just talked about, and how he has harassed me by saying "This job is what feeds your kids and keeps your family under a roof." I AM DONE...
Sigh...
Well, I missed the 1 A.M. deadline for adgitize. Oh well, I will just do my blog so I don't miss that, missed that requirement for adgitize too.... Anyway, my mind is buzzing with a lot of thoughts right now. thinking of topics from conversations that have passed, thinking of the future. I have no idea what I am going to do. After all, we cannot avoid the future, the inevitable, while it is consistently being rewritten, we cannot avoid what will come. I am trying my best. I really am. What will I do? only the future can tell. Thank you for reading my blog. Those of you who read it.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
AGGRAVATION.
Well, I have been playing Evony lately and I have been building up my city. At the same time I have been on vacation and trying to get a job, if you guys didn't know from reading my blog. I am getting really frustrated with this guy I have been talking to about getting the job. He said that my license is all set, I pretty much have the job, and that all I need is my D.O.T. Medical Card to drive 26 ft. and bigger trucks. So far I have been working 1 day a week up until this week, therefore working 6 days a week.
Anyway, the reason I have been getting really frustrated is because I am beginning to feel like I am getting the run around from this guy. First he told me there was no work yesterday, Tuesday, because of the holiday on Sunday, Easter, and today there was no work because it is too slow right now. I tried calling him today to see about tomorrow, and he didn't call back. In fact, his girlfriend called me and told me that there is no work tomorrow because it is still slow.
I don't know what else to do, I have been looking for another job here and there, but to no avail. I need to know if and when I am starting full time with this job because my boss at R.A.C. has told me that when I go back to work from vacation, at some point during the week, the District Manager will be coming to speak to me about my performance in collections and sales. And to be honest, I haven't been doing too well. I can say however that it isn't all my fault. In collections, I have the responsibility to keep my "Route" below a certain percentage every week, 11.9% for those people who are 1 - 6 days past due, and 2.9% for those who are 7 or more days past due on Thursdays, and I have to close out my "Route" at a 5.9% or lower on Saturdays. They expect me to get past due customers to make their payments consistently and on time at all times.
Understandable, but when they also require me to try to "force" customers to pay or return the merchandise they have from us, it is a little aggravating because you cannot "force" customers to pay or return merchandise when they either don't answer the door or are not home. And besides, you can't get blood from a stone, know what I mean? But, these are all just excuses to my bosses and they feel that after working files, sending letters, calling customers countless times a day, and going by their homes, isn't enough. What else am I supposed to do? I have asked this question many times, and all they say is: "You have been here nearly 2 years, you should know what to do." And I do, exactly what I have been doing.
Another aggravating aspect of this job that I have now is the fact that before, I had this other "route" in which I was doing great and another one of my co-workers was having issues with the "route" I have now. They switched me to his "route" and him to mine, now he is doing beautifully in the job and I am doing pretty shitty. Fair? According to them it is. Whatever. If I lose the job I lose it, I will find another one whether this other job works out or not and my family will survive. I know it. Its just aggravating when there are 4 adults in a house and only I'm the only one with an income. My wife is trying to find ways to bring money in without leaving our children home with their siblings (they are the other 2 adults), trust me, you wouldn't either, and I love her regardless if she does find something or not. And honestly, I think she shouldn't have to. I should be in a good job and our family should be living at least comfortably. I literally pay for everything. Food, Rent, and all the other bills. I am paying for insurance and gas for 2 cars, one which I never drive, the other I hardly ever do because my wife needs it for errands and just in case of emergency. All I ask for is relief, just a little. Is that too much to ask for?
I love my family, trust me, I really do. I am just really tired and aggravated.
Anyway, the reason I have been getting really frustrated is because I am beginning to feel like I am getting the run around from this guy. First he told me there was no work yesterday, Tuesday, because of the holiday on Sunday, Easter, and today there was no work because it is too slow right now. I tried calling him today to see about tomorrow, and he didn't call back. In fact, his girlfriend called me and told me that there is no work tomorrow because it is still slow.
I don't know what else to do, I have been looking for another job here and there, but to no avail. I need to know if and when I am starting full time with this job because my boss at R.A.C. has told me that when I go back to work from vacation, at some point during the week, the District Manager will be coming to speak to me about my performance in collections and sales. And to be honest, I haven't been doing too well. I can say however that it isn't all my fault. In collections, I have the responsibility to keep my "Route" below a certain percentage every week, 11.9% for those people who are 1 - 6 days past due, and 2.9% for those who are 7 or more days past due on Thursdays, and I have to close out my "Route" at a 5.9% or lower on Saturdays. They expect me to get past due customers to make their payments consistently and on time at all times.
Understandable, but when they also require me to try to "force" customers to pay or return the merchandise they have from us, it is a little aggravating because you cannot "force" customers to pay or return merchandise when they either don't answer the door or are not home. And besides, you can't get blood from a stone, know what I mean? But, these are all just excuses to my bosses and they feel that after working files, sending letters, calling customers countless times a day, and going by their homes, isn't enough. What else am I supposed to do? I have asked this question many times, and all they say is: "You have been here nearly 2 years, you should know what to do." And I do, exactly what I have been doing.
Another aggravating aspect of this job that I have now is the fact that before, I had this other "route" in which I was doing great and another one of my co-workers was having issues with the "route" I have now. They switched me to his "route" and him to mine, now he is doing beautifully in the job and I am doing pretty shitty. Fair? According to them it is. Whatever. If I lose the job I lose it, I will find another one whether this other job works out or not and my family will survive. I know it. Its just aggravating when there are 4 adults in a house and only I'm the only one with an income. My wife is trying to find ways to bring money in without leaving our children home with their siblings (they are the other 2 adults), trust me, you wouldn't either, and I love her regardless if she does find something or not. And honestly, I think she shouldn't have to. I should be in a good job and our family should be living at least comfortably. I literally pay for everything. Food, Rent, and all the other bills. I am paying for insurance and gas for 2 cars, one which I never drive, the other I hardly ever do because my wife needs it for errands and just in case of emergency. All I ask for is relief, just a little. Is that too much to ask for?
I love my family, trust me, I really do. I am just really tired and aggravated.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
New Job
I am supposed to be starting a new job, just waiting for the boss man to let me know when I can start full time. It needs to happen before Monday of next week!!! Gotta get my DOT Medical Card still too!
Thoughts rambling about my brain
Work at R.A.C. is extremely tiring. Trying to get another job, boss said I have the job, and that he doesn't want to screw me over so he wants to make sure there is enough work. I understand this, but I gotta get away from R.A.C. before I lose my mind. I love R.A.C. but I can't work for them anymore. I am way too stressed out by all the "requirements" of the job.
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